Haiku Review No. 14: Procrastination

This is kind of a massive apology – mostly to myself – for failing to update this blog for so long. The short story is that I broke my wrist and then I was grumpy about it for quite a while. But thanks to some excellent physiotherapy I’m back on track.

Anyway! Here’s a super bumper bonus haiku about procrastination. Enjoy.

Procrastination, or: The Trouble With Working From Home (based on a true story)

A series of haiku that gradually break all the rules of haiku. (Sorry Japan.)

 

I sit down to work,

but then it occurs to me:

I must read the news!

 

I sit down to work,

but then it occurs to me:

I should check twitter…

 

I sit down to work,

but then it occurs to me:

I must make my bed!

 

I sit down to work,

but then it occurs to me:

the towels need folding!

 

I sit down to work,

but then it occurs to me:

I need to alphabetise my record collection!

 

I sit down to work,

but then it occurs to me:

I should also probably colour-code my sock drawer!

 

I sit down to work,

but then it occurs to me:

I urgently need to use my new label maker to create labels for everything in my flat, including labels for all of my pot plants which include their latin names which I must first look up on the internet!

 

I sit down to work,

but just then I remember:

those fishcakes expire tomorrow! I’d better eat them immediately!

 

I sit down to work,

but then it occurs to me::

I’ve been meaning to use my new phone to make a short MTV Cribs style video of my flat and send it to other people I know who also work from home, so that they can all do the same, resulting in a hilarious Whatsapp thread, and literally no work getting done today, not by me or by anyone I know.

 

I sit down to work,

but then I think to myself:

I don’t concentrate so well in the evenings so it’s probably best if I just head to bed now so I get a good night’s sleep and make an early start tomorrow instead. I’d better also have a couple of beers so I’m nice and relaxed. I guess I could also squeeze in an episode or two of ‘Making a Murderer’ before bed. I hear it’s really good and I’ll probably learn a lot about the American justice system, so it’s time well spent.

 

I get into my pyjamas and watch the entire ten episodes of ‘Making a Murderer’ which so traumatise me that I must then watch two episodes of the hit 90s sitcom ‘Friends’ to prevent myself from having nightmares. I also get quite drunk and make a few more videos on my phone and send them to people who really don’t want them. I wake up at 2pm the next day.

 

I sit down to work,

but then it occurs to me:

first, I should probably write a series of haiku describing the difficulties I have with procrastination and the pitfalls of working from home.

 

The end.

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